To Admire

I feel so very odd and awkward asking professors and acquiantances to pen me letters of reference and recommendation—which may explain why I haven’t yet.

In high school, I took for granted that virtually every teacher I ever had would write me a glowing review. Now, when I think back to my college professors, I feel like I can barely guarantee their remembrance of me, nevermind, you know, an actual, cogent, positive recommendation. Lord, I know this is my own fault, and college was scary, and I was/am dealing with a lot of terrifying and paralyzing personal issues… And so, still, I am not sure who I should bother to write a recommendation for me. I feel I’ve let everyone down. I’ve certainly let myself down.

And so, here are my thoughts. I am thinking Eva Cadavid, a philosophy professor who taught my January term class sophomore year, Feminism and Philosophy. She has that sort of warm, visionary personality that makes me feel fairly confident she’ll have something nice to say. I feel I participated well in that class, and I did have a sort of mental breakdown in her office one day, babbling and careers and motherhood and my mother and the future and bills and Self and how scared and directionless I was. And she seemed concerned and helpful. I am kind of embarrassed to bring this up again, though…

I am also thinking Mykol Hamilton, a psychology professor, might also write me a recommendation. But—I am well aware that she has not had the best couple of years with stressed-out situations in her family, and upon that she seems naturally scatterbrained. I had her for the Psychology of Women, which I enjoyed. I felt that I surged with confidence in leading discussions in that class, and made a solid A of it. She also was the official sponsor of the swing dance club—and I took a dance class she offered at the community arts center—but I do wonder if she would remember my involvement in either of these things. Hum.

I also suppose I’ll have my counselor and/or psychiatrist write a note for me. It certainly couldn’t hurt. Ufh.

What are your suggestions? How do you approach asking for letters of recommendation?